The PAT-Blog

2005-08-25T13:46:00.000-04:00

2005-08-25T12:18:00.000-04:00

2005-08-13T11:58:00.000-04:00

2005-08-12T16:51:00.000-04:00

2005-08-12T10:05:00.000-04:00

"And I'm leavin' OOOooon a Jet Plane!"

So here we are t-minus 8 hours till we depart for World Youth Day! I am less than a day away from probably the most amazing trip of my life. I am a little over a week away from being with the Holy Father. I will be spending the next 11 days with my surrogate family, the Lifeteens.

I pray to the Lord that he will bless us with his grace and protection as we travel to Germany and back again. May the Holy Spirit descend on each of us, not just in our group, but all the teens traveling to WYD and create a new pentecost in our Church.

We are the future of our faith, may WYD 2005 be the start of a brighter future for our Church. Amen.

2005-07-30T01:28:00.000-04:00

He holds our hand...
Sitting in traffic at one o'clock in the morning has become a hobby of mine. Not by choice mind you, but it just always seems to be in the cards no matter what time I leave the theatre. Just when you figure the least amount of people will be on the road and you will just glide right to where ever you need to go....there I was. Stuck.

As I sat there and contemplated my "stuckidness" I started to think about what we believe as Christians. Everything happens according to God's will. Everything happens according to the Father's will and nothing is with out His influence, right? So did that mean that God wanted me stuck in traffic?

As the traffic continued and after twenty minutes I had moved maybe ten feet I delved into my "God wants me in traffic" theory even deeper. So if God wants me to suffer through something as un-pleasant as traffic, does that mean that He also orchestrates the other bad things in our lives? Like catching the flu. Like getting a flat tire or a zit. Does God knowingly give us things that will require surgery? Does He purposely give us asthma or arthritis? If it is intentional what purpose can it mean?

It's un-pleasant to think that God purposely puts us into harms way. It's un-settling to think that God gives us ailments that require surgery or medicine. It just plain old stinks to think that God sticks us in things like traffic.

As I thought of it more something came to mind. My Mother taking me to the doctors as a kid. Not anytime in particular, just my Mom taking me to Dr. Annino's office. Shots and blood tests, sharp objects cutting and poking holes in us, things a Mother should keep her children away from, but instead when we are sick or when we need some help our Mom (or Dad I guess) schedules an appointment and drag us (kicking and screaming in my case) into their offices to be pocked and prodded with all kinds of terrific metal instruments. Where were our folks during that? No matter how much we may have told them we hated them for bringing us there, no matter how many times we may have tried to seperate ourselves from them in those times of trial....they were right there beside us, holding our hand through out the entire thing. God's like that.

I think many times we have to face un-pleasant things to learn a lesson, or to force us to go the next step when its the last thing we want to do. Just like when we are sick and our folks force us to suffer though the terrible ordeal of the Docs office. Just like those times when we need a shot, God drags us kicking and screaming to these situations. We tell him we hate Him for it. We try and break His grip so we can run away and not face the problem. But there He is every time, waiting to take us back. Sure God will still lead us to that problem, but just like our Mom, we won't face anything that He won't hold our hand through.

So maybe God has been hitting me with traffic jams to teach me patience. I guess I will never truly know. I truly believe that no matter what trial we face it is always to make us a better person and will lead us, even in the most round about ways, to being closer with Jesus.

I pray that the Lord helps me to see his face and know that He's there holding my hand, especially during times of trial.

2005-07-23T12:34:00.000-04:00

Exploding TVs, Poop, and Traffic.
Yesterday was a very long day. It started with a private show at the theatre early in the morning followed by my normal Friday afternoon shift. It was such a relief to be out of there at 6. I discovered a new short cut home from Quincy that let's me skip almost all of the rush hour traffic. But the night started to take a nasty turn when I sat down for a little "Stargate SG-1" time.

My TV had been acting up, making sparking noises, turning itself on and off, etc. Well I click on the tube and after some of the usual funny noises there was a large spark followed by smoke. My TV December 1996 - July 2005. Rest in Peace

So the night was progressing and it just went further downhill. About 9ish I got a call from the theatre. The women's room toilees were backing up and sewage was seeping in through the drains in the floor. I rush to the theatre, try and fix it myself to no avail. I call Roto-Rooter and they arrived around 12:30 this morning....by the time they got there the problem had cleared itself. I was frustrated with the situation to begin with but now that it had fixed itself after all this trouble I was just down right angry.

So I take off down the high way heading for home from Quincy again and get stuck in major traffic. You know how it is. Traffic is inching a long. Everybodys honking. It's just craziness. So I sat there, aggrivated and feeling bad for myself.

As I made a turn, slowly, I could see Police, Fire Truck, and Ambulance lights ahead. Lot's of them. An SUV had flipped over and the top of it, the part where people sit, had been sheered off. While I was sitting there feeling bad for myself and focusing on what a crappy night I was having I was faced with the realization that no matter how dark things may seem someone is always having a worse day.

In that moment I realized that I was blessed. Yeah, it was a long hard night. I couldn't veg infront of my TV. I had to spend an extra few hours at work. Now I was delayed 45 minutes in traffic. But I bet the driver would have gladly given up more to take themselves out of their situation.

Lord, I pray that you help me to be thankful for my burdens, the things that humble us all and allow us to hear your voice more clearly. Help me to focus on the blessing in my life, the good things that come from you. Amen.

2005-07-17T15:51:00.000-04:00

120 hours. That's how long the "retreat charge" lasts. You know how you're all fired up during a weekend retreat and you leave there on Sunday just ready to change the world. It even lasts most of the following week. You are just completely ready to change your whole life for what He wants. Then the charge wears down. Before you even realize it your back to the things you did before, the things you swore you would never do again. That's where I am now, but this time it's more of a struggle. I really need to fight this time.

I honesly want to follow God's will. I know He is calling me to something big, bigger than ever before, but I'm starting to lose that drive to be completely radical in my faith. I'm not fired up.

Today I'm praying that God will help me retain that fire and find it again new every morning. I need to stay the course.

2005-07-14T17:41:00.000-04:00

I have a huge crater in my lip. Laser surgery is an interesting way to go if you need something done in your mouth. If you don't mind the burning smell you really can't feel anything at all.

2005-07-13T23:00:00.000-04:00

So I met with a "Spiritual Director" tonight. His name is Fr. John Sassani and he entered the Seminary right after High School. Really nice guy, very in touch with the Holy Spirit and has over 20 years of experience helping guide others to Jesus. I think we'll keep meeting for a while to see where this leads me. It feels right.

2005-07-11T13:23:00.000-04:00

What a week it has been. Where to begin?

This past weekend was the Steubenville East conference at La Salette Shrine. I wasn't looking forward to the Retreat. Sleeping on the ground, showering at 5 in the morning, kneeling in the dirt and on the rocks, it was going to rain all weekend. To make matters even more uncomfortable someone who really deeply hurt me was there. Someone who I haven't seen in a long time. Why did God put all of these uncomfortable things in my way?

For years I have been telling people that you need to be uncomforable in your faith. I've been saying that if you are 100% comfortable with the way you practice your faith you are doing something wrong. I thought about all of the things that made me dread going to Steubie East and I realized God wanted ME there and He wanted ME uncomfortable. I totally opened myself to the Spirit and prayed that if God wanted me uncomfortable He would give me the strength to see it as a gift.

Saturday was beautiful. The Sun was out and I spent most of the afternoon just hanging out with the Lifeteens. I felt at peace. Sitting that afternoon and talking with them I felt the Holy Spirit fill me in a way that I haven't in a long while. I need to practice catching and throwing a frisbee.

The most powerful experience of Steubenville is Adoration. After having a spirit filled afternoon I knew that it was going to mean something amazing for me. For a long time I haven't really felt anything amazing during Adoration, to the point that I would be before the Blessed Sacrament and begging God for a sign. But something told me that this Adoration would be different.

Bob Lefnesky was on the alter speaking, asking the young people who have never publically delared their lives to Jesus. As the youth of our Church stood up to offer their lives I found myself starting to cry. First it was just my eyes welling up, but it quickly became more. I started to weep with out really knowing why. My stomach and chest began to hurt and cramp. I started to kneel, I was on all fours balling my eyes out and the Blessed Sacrament hadn't even been exposed yet.

I started to pray for people who I felt that I had let down. One by one these people came to mind. People who maybe I could have helped but didn't, maybe because I was too afraid to be uncomfortable when they needed me to be. As I focused on each person, as I began to focus on the intentions of the people who are still in my life, of the current teens, I felt Jesus taking notes. Jesus was telling me he was all ready with each of them and I didn't need to worry.

I turned my prayer intention in on myself. I began to pray for my own short comings. My anger, my jealousy, my pride, my sinful nature. As I focused on each thing individually I could feel each thing being drained from me. By the time my list was done I had been on the ground for a while. I felt empty, peacefully empty. All the things that I had offered up in prayer were drained away. The Blessed Sacrament was now exposed and being brought through out the tent. I couldn't wait for it to come near us, but it didn't. The Priest couldn't make it down our aisle so the sacrament was brought back up to the alter.

As I focused on this, as I focused on the fact that I deeply wanted to be near Jesus and I was pushing away anger that they couldn't bring the Sacrament near. As I pused aside the anger I looked up and Jesus was standing in front of me. I couldn't see him as you would anyone else, but in my mind I could see him. He was wearing a white robe and a green sash. I dropped to the ground and fully prostrated myself. Jesus was before me.

Where Jesus was standing a girl had been sitting. The moment I saw Jesus she was slain in the Spirit and had fallen into a seisure. As I turned my focus from Jesus I began to pray for her. I was praying the "Our Father" and after only a few seconds Jesus said "Don't worry about her. She will be fine." As Jesus said these words she came out of her seizure.

Maybe I'm just connecting dots and seeing connections where none exist. Honestly, I truly believe Jesus made his presence known to me. I truly believe that the girl's momentary seizure was to be proof of that. What was Jesus trying to tell me?

It's time for me to step up. To become totally uncomfortable in my faith. I can't be silent when I should speak now. Jesus is asking me, not telling me, but asking me to be more responsible and to find the path he has intended for me. Maybe that's towards the Priesthood. Maybe it's towards the vocation of Marriage and to become a Deacon. Maybe I am just called to be a more faithful, lawful, Catholic. Who knows...

My Brothers and Sisters in Christ I pray that the Lord continues to work wonders in my life. I pray that the Lord gives me the strength to follow his call where ever it may lead me to. Married Life, Celebate Life, wherever. Please pray for me...

2005-07-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

After working on revamping the PAT-Cave yet again, getting closer to what I have always wanted it to be, I took a look at it and thought about what it might be missing. So far it offers Pictures from St. Mary's and some of your pictures. Now it has some of my own art work and photos, but it still felt like it was missing something.

I thought maybe it needs a message board. A place where people can leave some of their thoughts on whats on the site. I thought about it, and thought about it and I came to an epiphany. Why not add a blog?

More than just a place where I put commentary I hope the PAT-Blog will become a part of my ministry. As I strive to follow Jesus ever closer this blog will give me the opportunity to share my day to day faith. If they had blogs in the time of St. Peter, do you think he would have used one to spread Jesus' word?

I hope that you find the PAT-Cave and the PAT-Blog fun places to check out from time to time and I hope even more that you will leave your thoughts about the site, my projects, yourself, God, Chickens with Large Talons, Fixing faces, and just about anything you want here.

Thanks for taking a minute to look!
God Bless!
-Patrick